Tribute to Smashmouth

Person 1: — and so yeah, that’s how I saved the porcupine from near asphyxia–
Person 2: Wait, do you hear something?
Person 1: Uh, no . . . hold on, is that a faint screaming?
Person 2: Probably a kid or something.
Person 1: No . . . no, it’s getting louder. Sounds like it’s coming from outside the door.

???: SOME

*door flies open*

Me, dressed in a wildly colorful outfit and sporting purple eyeliner and mascara: BODY ONCE TOLD ME THE WORLD WAS GONNA ROLL ME. I AIN’T THE SHARPEST TOOL IN THE SHE-HED.

🙂

I’m back with my weird intros. It’s fine if you didn’t miss them.

You’re probably thinking that I must have something huge to announce after my 3+ month hiatus. An amazing discovery or tragic event had to have happened to inspire me to actually write something instead of watch Youtube videos in my free time (which I don’t have much of), and I’m back to tell you all some awesome, soul-piercing, gut-jarring story that’ll leave you in tears and full of excitement for my future.

No, I’m still boring.
. . . and swamped with homework.
. . . and procrastinating writing.

But some good news (maybe)! I decided to start rewriting Turbulence. Again. Because I dislike (hate) the one I wrote (and supposedly finished) and promptly had to replot the whole thing (yay). It’s a better plot now, though. More believeable — a crucial aspect which I strive very hard to do well. It also fleshes out some stuff I left unsaid in R.I.P., while prepping for the second half of the series (The Xircas Chronicles). At this rate, though, it’s gonna take me a few years to get just one book done.

BUT.

The plan. I heff plan. Over the summer, amidst all the random nonsense I have to do, I’m going to commit.

. . . no, not commit myself to a mental hospital.

I shall commit myself to a deadline. Every week, I must write a new chapter — meaning first I draft the chapter, then do one (1) rewrite of it to make it a little less horrible. But how will I hold myself to this stupendously difficult task when a self-imposed deadline has never worked?

That’s right. I’m gonna get an outsider to pester me.

More specifically, I’m gonna ask an English professor (I have one in mind already) to please send me emails/texts/whatever-works-for-them to me periodically (end of the week, perhaps), to hold me accountable to this deadline. This is a really good plan, because if I don’t do the work and then they get disappointed in me, that’s as good as giving me an F on an assignment. I’m not sure if I’ll get really fancy and have a dropbox to “turn in” my work or whatever, but hopefully the professor I have in mind will be able to help me out.
Furthermore, I might also impose another set of rules on myself, like . . .
– No looking at the chapters from previous weeks. Meaning no editing until the thing is finished.
– No excuse is a good excuse. Unless like, I was somehow in the middle of the Sahara desert and the laptop battery died and I was slowly dying of thirst . . . or something bad.
– Really draft things when I go to draft them and stop fleshing out unnecessary bits that could be done later.

Anyway, we’ll see if it works, won’t we? Also, the reason I’m using an outsider is because (1) impartiality, (2) less-likely to let me get away with skipping a week, (3) not family as they aren’t impartial and it’s weird anyway, (4) not friends because they also aren’t impartial and it’s weird anyway, (5) a professor is just an all around good choice, (and the one I have in mind is very much a role model to me) supposing this won’t bother them too much.
Obviously there are a lot of pros there. (Five to be exact, which is my favorite number. So there. I’m going with an outsider on this. #MyWritingMyRules)

I hope the rest of you have somehow managed to survive without my sarcasm these past few months. You better read this one a few times to get your dose of snark, since I dunno when I’ll be posting again. Still swamped in homework (and now friends, somehow) and busy with staying alive in general.

A’ight, love you guys!

-WordTechnician